The Cathartic Conditionings of a Cracked 'Core'.

That is, to say, that being insane isn't always all bad.

So, it's been a very busy couple of weeks lately. To say that I started the job search in earnest would be the same as saying body-builders enjoy working out. Nacogdoches is well, and truly, devoid of decent jobs. Maybe if I was a good god fearing man, or shoved the principals that make me into the wonder that is human down a dirty ditch, then I might have a good pizza shop or burger joint gig. As it is, however, the trappings of serving those who look down on me for serving them are less appealing that laying in a dirty ditch with my own moral fibers.

There are, as always to us people watchers (more to the point those who watch themselves) things of note. One would be that...I'm not a gamer anymore. I have reserved a total of 4 games, and bought 1. I've played none. Given I don't OWN a console to play any video games with, it's still surprising to me and my friends that I hadn't really had the motivation to practice for the tournament weekend before last or try to get the endings for all 60 characters in Tekken Tag 2.

Mostly, we sit outside, drink, and discuss the world of politics, productions, and technology. How this differs from anyone else with the answers who forgets them while intoxicated has yet to be seen, but, we don't do it for answers. The musing entertains us.



Financially speaking, things are...rather bleak. I have not applied for unemployment benefits, and at no time soon do I plan to. Paying to the system does not hinder me as I know it will go towards more people who need it rather than abuse it, especially in these hard times. Yet my pride is...holding faster to my heart than anticipated. Giving in is not an option, pleading to those who say I am a fool is not an option. The only thing I have left to do is...well...trudge on.

To give that slow, weary walk forwards as a solider who knows not what else to do than continue marching. Head held high, chest forward, legs strong and steady, arms always tucked under, but with the knowledge that life around me is dwindling towards a certain instability that will buck me from existence and my own place in the world.




What does all that mean? It means; I am very, very pissed that I can't afford the tattoo. That's what it means.