Existential hell

So where have I been going for the last 3 years? No where apparently, in fact looking back the starting line seems closer than it did a while ago. Thinking about where my life has been so far has been, for lack of a better word; depressing. 3 years ago I was willfully ignorant, chronically single, hadn't been to a university, and worked at a job everyone cowardly balked at.

Then two years ago I quit that job to try my hand at something else, something that lasted for all of about a month before a slight break down in communication set me back to where I am now. 23 living at home. However, another thing happened that as it is was the most wonderful thing one could imagine. I found a woman who was more compatible with my own tastes and ideas than anyone else so far. Through the shit job, the damnable room-mates, and her encouragement I managed to grow at a rate which boggles even my own mind still now.

Cut to now: I am unfortunately knowledgeable of my uneducation, single but no longer looking, signed up to attend classes for jobs that I've already been doing for two years, yet though that seems to be an improvement I'm unemployed and in debt to a car whose value isn't half of what the price tag is (bought back in 2008 when everything was a seller's market, just before it went down).

So, to put it simply, there are many many great memories of the last 3 years. They were hopeful, strong, make me feel proud remember how good things were even though the situations were less than desirable and less than legal in a few cases. It's hard, but trying to remember to take those memories and know that there are people and things worth working harder and harder for out there is starting to take it's toll. I have less now than I ever have. It makes me wonder, would I trade all those memories away, those happy times and the good that came of it for that stupidity and satisfaction of a job and friends that were only half way fulfilling?

An emotional and mature man would say no, an independent and practical man would say it wasn't worth it. Right now, I just want to find those men and kill them both so I can have a minute of peace without their damn blathering.